No. Still dead.
Well, gentlemen, doesn't our young fella look fantastic?
Okay, down to business. Drugs.
You've got loads of them. Give them to me.
-Well, what do you want? -What have youse got?
Gobs, ups, downs, hash, black Moroccan A's...
heroin, Charlie, speeds, acids.
-How you doing? -Okay, I think I'll have a gram-- -And grass.
-I'll have a gram of cocaine, please. -Get your hands off!
You're wrecking me buzz!
Fuck.
-Hello. -What the fuck do you want?
-Was that your boyfriend there? -Yeah.
-What's he like? -He's an asshole. What do you care?
What are you doing for the rest of the night?
What's it to you?
Do you want to come back to my flat for some coke and some sex?
-Okay. -Okay.
-Is that your car, lads? -Are you joking?
We wouldn't buy a car like that. It's a fuckin' woman's car.
What are you doing hanging around the north side, Jonathan?
Oh, you know, this and that.
Bit of shoppin'. Seein' the sights. Buryin' me father.
Really? He's dead?
-He's dead. -What did he die of?
He drank himself to death.
Are you heartbroken?
You know, I'm glad he finally got it together.
So the doctor says to him, "You've gotta stop your fuckin' drinkin'.
Your liver's gonna fuckin' give in. Do you know what I'm sayin'?"
So he goes home and he celebrates with a bottle of Bushmills.
-Some way to go, eh? -Are you takin' the piss?
-I never joke about death. -You are takin' the piss.
Am I?
Wait here. I'll be back in a second.
Morning.
You're not as cute as your brother.
Thanks.
It's a beautiful morning out there, Mike.
She's asleep.
lt was a great funeral, wasn't it?
-What's the matter? Have you slept? -Yeah, I went to bed early, yeah.
Listen, I want the ashes. I want to take them away.
-What are you talking about? -I want the fuckin' urn thingy.
I want to take it home with me.
What are you shiteing on about? It's 5:00.
Mikey, she's asleep. Come on.
I'm not gonna give you the urn, okay?
Look. Why don't you get a couple hours of sleep here...
and we'll all have breakfast then, okay?
Do you have pancakes?
Yes, I will make you some--
-Is he gonna be all right? -Yeah, he'll be fine.
He's been a lot better the last few months. He'll be grand.
Listen, I'm sorry.
We'll see youse. We're going for a spin.
I'm gonna have to ask you to get out here.
What?
I have to ask you to get out of the car, please. I'm sorry.
What are you talking about?
I have to ask you to get out of the car now. I'm sorry. Please.
You're serious.
If you wanna kill yourself...
you can't really go wrong if you drive a convertible car...
over a cliff at 50 miles an hour. That's a sure thing.
I broke my baby finger.
No seat belt.
The police said if I had been wearing my seat belt...
I would have broken my neck.
Under the threat of a prison sentence for the stolen car...
l opted for three months as an inpatient... in a psychiatric hospital.
The good thing about going into the madhouse right now...
is that my stay would run right over the Christmas season.
But as long as I can remember, I wanted to spend Christmas...
in a suburban mental institution.
The group session you'll be attending is a small one.
It's made up of four people about the same age as yourself.
Most of them have been with us for a month or so...
and they're doing quite well.
I'll sure you'll all get on very well.
Here's your room.
Well, I'll take it.
There's a special room for patients called the recreation room.
You've got your velcro-tipped darts...
cards, the telly...
and a kettle that stops boiling when the water is lukewarm...
so you can't kill yourself by pouring boiling water on your head.
Look at that animal.
Yeah, he's nice.
I had a cat once.
But it got its head stuck in a tin of cat food...
I'd left on the counter.
It was stuck for ten hours by the time I'd come back.
I'm sorry.
Must have been horrible for him.
All that time in the dark...
tryin' to breathe... bumpin' into walls.
That's sad.
But he's okay now.
Just a little edgy, but he's fine.
I'll see you later.
What's that for, lads?
Thanks.
You don't feel like talking?
Okay,well...
We'll leave it for today.
My therapy sessions are at 12:00...
every Tuesday and Thursday in room 13.
You're required to attend.
I've been through your file this morning.
I'm sorry about your father.
You're woken at 7:30 sharp.
A good hour after you got to sleep.
Excuse me. Why are you dressed like that?
-What? -Why are you dressed like that?
-What are you talking-- -You're an inpatient, aren't you?
No civvies, Pj's only.
Get out of your clothes.
There really is nothing as comfortable as wearing secondhand pajamas...
that previously belonged to a very short person.
Excuse me. Is the way to Dr. Figure's office?
Yeah. You're in the right direction. Head through those blue doors.
He's at the end of the corridor on the second floor. Good-bye.
-Hello. -Hello.
Are you two patients here?
No, we're doctors.
Okay. I'll see youse.
-I like your slippers. -Thanks.
Do they bite?
I don't know. Why don't you put your hand down there and find out?
Well, they're nice.
Do you want a game of pool sometime?
-When? -Whenever.
I don't play pool.
-I'll play you. -Oh, yeah?
Well, I was actually more interested in having a game of pool...
with the young lady here. You know. No offence.
-Fuck you. -Okay.
How about table tennis?
Can I give you the telephone number of my room?
No.
Okay.
Come in.
I want to talk about the whole lame pajamas thing.
What's the problem?
The problem is I've been forced to wear pajamas in the middle of the fuckin' day.
It's health board regulations to distinguish you from day patients and visitors.
It's fuckin' ridiculous. They took my clothes.
They're too small. I look like an idiot.
You look fine, Jonathan. Everyone is wearing them.
So, therapy sessions.
Three times a week... at 2:00.
This must be the nutcase class, is it?
Jonathan, come in. Grab a seat. We're just getting started.
Fantastic. I haven't missed anything, have I?
This is Jonathan Breech, everyone. He's joining our group.
So why don't you all introduce yourselves?
Rachel.
Toby.
That's Leslie...
and Nick.
-No, you haven't missed anything. -Oh, well, that's good news.
Yeah, my name is Jonathan Breech, and I'm 19 years of age.
And I'm really lookin' forward to the next few weeks...
to all I learn about everyone.
But more importantly, about myself and my own problems.
Thanks, there. Next?
Jonathan, we've all been together here as a group...
for a few weeks now and we've been sharing our thoughts.
So let me just ask you how you feel at the moment...
and whether there's anything that you feel you wanna tell us.
She's cute.
Do you have a boyfriend?
That'll be a no, then.
Okay. Let's just look at this list then, shall we?
On your sheets, you'll see here a list of situations...
that some people find difficult; things we're somewhat afraid of.
I don't know about you.
Doctor, I don't know about him.
It's okay, Nick. He's a patient.
l wouldn't trust him.
That's fine. Fine.
What I want you to do is to take off any of these items here...
that particularly trouble you.
Excuse me.
Filling out forms really scares me.
Well, that's ok, Toby. You can just leave it.
-It's not that important. -No, it was a joke.
-Fine. -Thanks, Doctor.
Actually, it was quite funny.
All right. I'm outta here. That's it.
You're not gonna help yourself by running away, Jonathan.
No.
You know, you're right,Doctor. No.
Why don't you show us how it's done?
Tell us a bit about yourself. What scares you?
-Jonathan... -I just want to know...
if there's anything in particular that worries you.
I'd be happy to go through it with you sometime...
if you're really interested, but...
at the moment, we're not here to talk about me. You know what I mean?
-Sounds like denial to me. -No, it's not denial.
-Now you sound angry. -I'm not angry either.
Sometimes it's good to be angry, Doctor.
I don't think this is an appropriate conversation for this group.
Fine. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it.
But abit of you said I was running away.
Yes, And I think that's what we should be addressing, if anything.
You're just trying to deflect the whole discussion on to my problems.
And now you sound paranoid. Like Nick there.
What did you say about me?
I said nothin'. How did you hear that?
l hear everything.
Don't you be talking about me behind me back.
I've enough on me plate!
Okay, look. This has been a wonderful session for me.
And I think I've learned to get along with everyone...
and I think I'm almost ready for the outside world again.
So, thanks, Doc. Same time tomorrow.
Okay. That's it.
You think I'm cute? You think I'm cute?
Don't call me "cute".
-But you are cute. -Don't call me "cute".
-You're cute. -You think I'm cute now?
What? What? You wanna play?
Come on, hun? Come on. I ain't afraid.
You think you are so tough.
Do you think I'm cute now?
I have to go back to therapy.
I'll see you later.
You like that Rachel one, do you?
I don't know.
She's beautiful, isn't she?
She's very complicated. Anyway, I'll see you around.
Does she play all the time?
Pretty much.
That's the thing about these places.
You think you are doing something noble...
by encouraging her to play the piano.
And when she doesn't get better, you stick her in front of it all day, everyday.
Then you forget about her. How long has she been here for?
Two years.
Two years. The road to recovery.
Some people just don't get better.
That's very frank of you, Doctor.
The board of directors won't be pleased to hear you admittin' that.
And tell me, do you see me gettin' any better?
You're more talkative today.
I'm just fuckin' bored with this place.
If we weren't mad to begin with.
So what's troubling you, Jonathan?
Well, that's a real standard textbook question, isn't it, Doc?
Is it?
When you're a psychiatrist who wears corduroy pants and that jumper and no tie...
and drives an old Saab-- is that yours?
-Yeah. -The old Saab.
I don't know. You expect something a little more original than
"What's troubling you, Jonathan?".
-Do you? -I thought you'd be the laid-back...
social worker type who'd offer me cigarettes.
'Cause you're very laid-back. Very Robin Williams.
I thought that we'd be bonding and hugging and stuff.
-You wanna talk about your father? -No, You wanna talk about yours?
What would you do if you were allowed home for the afternoon?
Get a decent cup of coffee, then chop me head off with a chain saw.
Okay.
Just one thing. I wanted to propose something.
It's like a pledge between doctor and patient.
We nominate a day, like three weeks from now--
like New Year's Day--
and you mustn't harm yourself until that day.
You have to stick to it. What do you think about that?
Yeah. I think it's a fuckin' ridiculous idea.
-It's been known to work. -It won't work.
Might. Why don't you think about it?
Okay, hang on. I've thought about it.
Fuck, you made a good breakthrough. Well done, Doc.
Okay, well, We'll talk about it more after the session.
You've given me the will to live, and I want to thank you for that.
Then, after that, I will show you the benefits...
of being more sparing with your sarcasm.
-Okay? See ya. -Fuck you.
So let me tell you about this pledge thing.
See, Dr. Figure was a "no medication" type of guy.
And all the hard-core suicidals in his group, now including myself...
had agreed not to kill or hang themselves before January 1.
I mean, can you imagine someone dead...
hangin' from the light fixture in their room...
thinking, "If my doctor finds out about this, I'm fucked"?
You did get privileges if you signed a dollick.
Going to the shops or to the pub across the road.
Not that I needed that because Toby had been slipping out of the hospital for weeks.
So I promised to buy him a drink, and he took me with him.
Hang on a second.
Cheers.
Let's get a seat.
You spilled my drink.
It was an accident.
Yeah, but you could apologize, you know?
Not tonight.
Fuckin' unbelievable.
All right, boys?
Lads, lads, lads, lads.
Do you remember...
when you were coming back from the ladies there...
and you bumped into my buddy here, you know?
And he dropped his drink, and he didn't get to drink any of it.
It would be a gas if you said sorry to him.
You see, that was an accident, you know?
I mean, call the police.
It doesn't seem to be botherin' your girlfriend there, does it?
So why the fuck is it botherin' you?
Little fuckin' spanner, huh?
No, lads, you're right. I'll get another one.
We'll pay for it, okay? It's fine.
Fair pleasures.
-Have a good night. -Take care.
-No hard feelings, okay? -No worries, man. Take care.
Fuck! You fuckin' porch buggy!
I got a fuckin' stitch.
One stitch is okay. Keep going.
Oh, but these fellas, they're very bad at chasing.
Let's go over here.
So why are you at the sessions, Toby?
Oh, now you wanna talk serious.
Okay, fuck it.
I killed my brother in a car accident.
How about you?
I don't know.
I've never been properly diagnosed, you know?
I did drive a car off a cliff a couple of weeks back.
-Fuck off. -Yeah.
Are you serious?
You mean, like totally over a cliff?
And you survived? What was it like?
For the first five seconds, it was fairly interesting.
Fuckin' "A," I'd say so. That's brilliant.
Well done.
I've got to try that after my-- my pledge date.
-For fuck's sake. -Come here, you pair of fuckin' spanners!
We'd like to have a word with youse.
-Hi. -Hi there.
What are you doing here? How'd you get out of your ward?
Aren't you happy to see me?
So where were you?
I was out with Toby.
What do you think of him?
I like him. He's a very nice guy.
-Did you have a thing with him? -Toby?
He's sweet.
You didn't answer my question.
I don't know. Toby's hard to read, you know?
Sometimes I think he likes me, I don't know.
What about you? What do you think?
Was your father in today?
Yeah. How'd you know?
Did he admit you here?
Yeah.
So he's Irish.
Yeah, he's Irish. My mom was American.
And do you live in America?
I did. I moved here six months ago.
-And where's Mom? -She's dead.
I'm sorry.
Why are you standing over there? Come and sit down.
So... are you doing that pledge thing?
Yeah. Are you?
-Yeah. Toby too. -Yeah. New Year's Day.
It's a great idea, I think.
-I like it. -Really?
I don't know. Gives me something to think about.
So you tried to kill yourself. Why did you wanna die?
I don't want to die.
I don't want to be alive.
Are you afraid of dying?
Not for the few seconds it takes to kill yourself, no.
Lie on top of me.
Leave your pants on, don't ask any questions...
and no exchange of bodily fluids.
You can take off your shirt.
Don't stop.
-Don't stop. -I'm just fuckin' wrigglin', really.
Never rest. Don't stop.
I won't stop.
Oh, God.
What the fuck's the matter with you?
You're just--
I'm singin' in the rain
Just singin' in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughin' at clouds
-Have you got tickets for the Christmas raffle? -No.
Do you know where I can get them?
-No. -That's not much good to me.
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I'll walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin'... Singin' in the rain
It was at that moment...
that I decided to keep the pledge.
Don't ask me why.
Once every two weeks, there's bowling.
That's where we're encouraged to mix with the rest of society...
and behave like normal people.
All right, lads. Get your shoes. Let's go.
Be sure you get the right sizes.
You are very bad at bowling, Toby.
Thought we should do something this weekend.
Like what? Have a darts championship?
I've had enough of fuckin' broken rubber darts.
I mean, do something.
"Driving Miss Daisy" is on the telly.
We can invite some of the lunatics down from the high-risk ward.
It could be a laugh.
How do you ever hear what's going on with that stuff blaring in your ears?
Shut up now. I was startin' to like you.
-Don't blow it. -But we should do something. I mean,
go drinkin'... or take some drugs.
What if we get caught?
If we get caught, fuck it. We just lose a few privileges.
We'll round up a load of loonies and head off to the country.
We'll have a party in my flat.
-Where we get the people from? -These are people, Nick.
We'd hand out the address to loads of day patients.
Say there's loads of free gargle. They bring all their mates.
Everyone wants to do something on New Year's Eve.
-I'm tellin' ya. -Fuck!
No, I'm tellin' you. The whole thing is fuckin' wanks and gays.
Bowling is shite.
You shut the fuck up. I'm on the edge.
Wednesdays are visiting days.
I really look forward to them because my brother comes in.
And he's fantastic.
I saw you with your brother today in the garden.
What kind of a relationship do you have with him?
Did you ever see that Marx Brothers sketch...
where Chico was asked, "You love your brother, don't you?"
And he says, "No, but I'm used to him."
I like the Marx Brothers.
I like the Marx Brothers too.
You have a history of male depression in your family.
He's been giving you the old rundown, has he?
He's great, that old Mikey.
Yeah, I have a history of male depression in my family. So what?
How do you think it's affected you?
Your mother died when you were ten.
Do you think that's why your father killed himself?
Or was he suffering from hereditary depression?
Don't know.
I suppose after all these years of loneliness...
he finally saw the light; call it what you want.
-I'm proud of him. -What about yourself?
On the road. Did you see the light?
I don't want to talk about what you see at a moment like that.
It would scare the wits out of you.
If I could describe it...
if I could do justice to it...
we'd all be jumpin' out the windows.
Up until recently, cutting yourself was enough.
That's just a matter of lettin' a little air out of the tires.
Doesn't work anymore though.
I can talk about this until the cows come home, Doctor.
I know more about the business of suicide in my baby finger...
than you do in all your years of training and Freud-reading.
I guaran-fuckin'-tee ya that.
I know you do.
Have you ever heard of people who had seen their own blood...
and then gettin' excited?
-You mean sexually? -Yeah.
-Yes, I've heard of it. -Is it for real?
Yes, it's very real.
Why are you interested in it?
Be careful, Jonathan.
What do you mean?
What I say.
Doctors discourage relationships between suicidal patients in hospital.
I mean, you wouldn't fuckin' blame them, but--
well, to go along with them up to a point.
but once the other party becomes seriously attached...
they become worried because...
when the inevitable breakup comes...
the person left behind is in twice the danger.
So you have to be more careful with people inside...
because they take you more seriously than people on the outside.
You can't fuck around the way you normally do.
Guess who.
Oh, it's you. Gosh, you know, I'm so happy to see you.
I haven't stopped thinking about you all day.
So is it okay if I walk with you...
through these beautiful gardens of ours?
Sure. Why not?
How's the arm?
Fine. It's all bandaged up.
Oh, good. And how's your hand?
What about my hand?
It was just that it kept hittin' off my face, you know?
I was just wondering if it was okay.
Oh, right. Yeah, it's fine.
-How's your face? -Fine. It's fine.
We should stop talking about our wounds though. That could take all fuckin' day.
Anyway, it was my ego that was bruised...
-not my face. -Why?
Why? I don't know why.
There's a girl in the high-security ward who cuts open her abdomen...
takes her intestines out and plays with them.
They stitch her back up.
Week later, she does the same thing over again.
She's really lovely. Why don't you go figure her out?
No, you see, I haven't met her.
And she didn't come and slap me out of the blue for no reason.
-I don't need your help. -I'm not trying to help you.
Just take care of yourself.
You know what? Fuck it.
You wanna come up to my room for some autoerotic asphyxiation?
Yeah? Now?
Yeah. I got some hook-eyed screws. We could hang ourselves...
and I could smack you around a little bit. Give you a good time.
Yeah, that's a fabulous idea.
-Yeah. it'll be fun. -Maybe tomorrow. I can't wait.
Do you wanna know what I think we should do?
-Are you sure you want to hear it? -Yeah. Is it dirty?
It's disgusting.
I think we should go some time and get some ice creams.
-Just the two of us. Get some fresh air. -Sure. Sure.
I'll buy you an ice cream.
Okay. Call me. I'll be in my room.
I'll be waiting for your call. Call me.
Myself and Toby's breakouts became a regular weekly thing.
He'd always take me with him.
We both agreed that a big Christmas party...
outside the hospital was a good idea.
Toby decided to take a trial run.
He swore that he could hot-wire any car in under ten seconds.
It's fuckin' beautiful, isn't it?
I'll tell you something about me brother.
He was in the hospital for a month after the accident.
At best, he was just wasting away.
We all knew he was dying. He was on a machine and everything.
I think if I'd lost anyone else, it wouldn't have been so bad.
I think I can handle death...
and missin' people and that.
What I don't understand is that there were a few basic...
simple things I wished I could have told him before he went.
Like the fact that I loved him.
And that I never went a day without thinking about him...
or talking about him to people.
And since then, the image that sticks in my head...
is that over the month in the hospital...
I couldn't get it together enough to tell him those things.
I always thought I'd say them in the end.
And one night, the nurse brought him in a cup of tea...
and he had a few sips of it.
And I-I went out to the toilets.
And when I came back in...
he was a dead man.
The family and friends around him and all the tears and--
Me elbow touched off his cup.
And there was still heat in it.
And that...
it totally fucked me up, you know.
I mean, the idea--
It was his tea, you know.
It was his tea, and it was still warm.
It outlived him.
It was his tea.
Plane's coming into Dublin Airport there.
Full of people.
I wonder if it'll crash now.
No.
Safe and sound.
Fuck, I'm sorry. I don't--
I don't know why I'm talkin' about this and--
We'll go back. It's fuckin' freezin' in here anyway.
Wanks!
Hey, pal, give it up, will you? You're embarrassing yourself.
I'm getting better, lads. Don't worry.
Wanker.
Are you trying to start a fight?
Chill out, honey.
What are you, a homosexual or something?
No more than you're a dick-head.
You're distracting us, you northern fuck, you.
We're trying to play here and you're fooling round.
You're in me fucking peripherals.
Why don't you just mind your own business? He's not bothering you.
Shut the fuck up, you ugly mutt, you.
What did you say to her?
Just forget it, Toby. Just bowl.
You're a wise man.
Fucking strike! Did you see that?
A strike.
You're gonna have to die for that now, you prick!
-Hey! Hang on! -What's your problem?
Do you wanna fucking get involved in this too?
If you wanna get at him...
you're gonna have to go through me first.
But bear with me while I try and explain something to you.
Come on. Come on.
Give it to me in the fucking neck. Come on.
But listen very carefully first before you do.
Whatever you do to me...
I'm gonna have enough energy to come back and get one in at you.
And as sure as I'm standing here...
I don't give a fuck what happens to me.
You'd better kill me with your first shot.
If you don't, I'll come back and take your fucking head off.
Give it to me in the fucking neck. Come on.
Come on, you wanker!
Dean, leave it.
He's from the hospital.
Yeah.
Jonathan. Come here a second.
That was a close call.
I suppose.
What if he'd gone for you?
Doctor, he'd have been doing me a favor.
You're trembling.
Do you really believe that or are you just saying it?
I felt it at the time.
What about now?
Isn't it a relief to be alive?
How's it going?
It's good. How are you?
I'm okay.
-I wrote another poem, you know. -Yeah?
-I like your poetry. -Thanks a million.
-Do you want to hear it? -Yeah.
It's called "The Demons."
"Deep within these flesh walls...
a raging monster screams.
The pain is felt When I'm asleep...
and fills my every dreams.
To overcome the demon within...
I found a light that shone.
And called out loud and guided me...
that light inspired me on.
When darkness falls across mine eye...
a light within does shine.
And helps me when the demon screams...
that light to me... sublime."
That's it.
-What do you think of it? -I like it.
-It's good. -Yeah. It's not bad.
Is it for me?
Not necessarily.
Well...
I'm going to the toilets. I'll see you around.
I didn't really have to go.
Rachel...
I hope I didn't pressure you in the past.
No. I mean--
You're not like that, you know.
You're what my mom would call "a perfect gentleman."
I'll see you around.
-Hi. -Hi there.
Were you all for the day?
-Yeah. I was with my dad. -How is your dad?
What are you doing later?
Think I'll catch a show.
-Do you know where my room is? -Yes, I do.
How was today?
It was fine.
I didn't enjoy it, really.
Your dad, how is he?
I don't know. I don't understand him.
We went home for lunch today.
I haven't been there in ages.
There's these cliffs...
ten minutes from my house. Used to go there when I was a kid.
Last time I was there I was seven...
and had a picnic with my mom.
It was nice and sunny.
We took a nap on the blanket and I had my head on her stomach...
and I could feel it moving up and down with her breath.
We decided to go home.
She wanted to walk along the cliffs.
I don't know. She just...
lost her footing.
She just went over.
No sound, no scream.
And I looked over...
and I could see her on the rocks below...
all curled up like she was taking a nap.
Nowadays I have this dream that I'm back at the cliff...
and I'm looking down and I can see her...
curled up...
still there, sleeping.
And I wanna get down to her.
But I can't figure out how.
Then I realize I could just jump.
So I-- So I jump.
But it's not like falling. It's--
I just float down.
And then I'm with her...
and I have my head on her stomach.
And I can feel her breathing.
And it's--
It's so warm and nice.
And then everything just...
fades away.
And where was your dad that day?
I don't know.
I think work.
He blames himself?
I don't know.
You know, he-- he loved her so much.
A daughter's a poor substitute for a wife.
You couldn't be a poor substitute for anyone.
Thanks.
It's nice of you to say.
You should go back to your room now. They do a walk around at midnight.
I'll see you.
I can talk to you, though.
Oh, yeah?
Good night.
"Abair do phadraigha, agus coloadh samh."
-What does that mean? -It means...
"Say your prayers and sleep well" in Irish.
That's nice.
My dad used to say that to me every night.
Do you miss him?
I miss him saying that to me.
You miss him.
Not as much as you do by the sounds of that dream.
Good night.
All good escape plans start by acquiring wheels.
Something fast and discreet.
Rachel suggested her dad's house as a venue for our party.
He'd be away, so we'd have the run of the place.
By giving out the address to the day patients...
news of the party would spread like wildfire.
-Who are we waiting for? -Our hostess for the evening.
She said she'd bunk out at half-ten.
We spiked the guard's flask with a cocktail of stolen medication.
Happy New Year.
-Come on. Let's go for a gander. -Okay.
There's something I wanna say.
-Yeah? -I'm totally pissed, so--
Anyway, fuck it. I'm just gonna say it.
I've regretted not saying things in the past.
I just wanna say that--
although we have some shite in common...
you're not in my ballpark.
That's all I wanna say.
-What are you fucking talking about? -I just wanted to say that.
You're not what people think you are.
I mean, you're not even close. I'm close.
I'm everything they say I am.
I am the genuine fucking article.
-Toby... -I am telling you now.
Don't get fucking cornered by other people...
and what they expect you to do, you know?
-I'm drunk. -You are.
That's all I've got to say.
You're the fucking man.
You know, you're the fucking man. Fuck the begrudgers.
-You know, just fuck'em. -Fuck'em.
Let's go bring in the new year.
-You're the fucking man. -You're the fucking man.
You're the fucking man.
-Why won't you kiss me? -I am.
Why won't you kiss me properly?
'Cause I'm unusual.
You don't want me?
Listen to me.
I want to make love to you.
I'd just like to start with a proper kiss.
You can never really know what was going through a person's mind...
at that exact moment.
If they survive, they'll never tell you.
If they succeed...
all you can do is spend the rest of your life guilty...
because it might have had something to do with you.
Your only concern can be for the people they leave behind.
They are the ones to look out for.
And what's Rachel's dad gonna do?
I don't know. We'll see.
She's so vulnerable.
What's gonna happen to her, Doc?
What's gonna happen to you?
I can only help people who are really sick.
Even then, half the time it doesn't work.
Who's gonna help you?
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
Are you blind? You have to be looking at something.
I know what's going on in your mind.
-Do you? -Yes.
What are you hanging around here for, standing at windows?
Anyway...
this is my window, really.
Everyone knows that.
I've been here for years.
Security? There's a young guy just stolen a bike.
He'll be heading for the main gate in a minute or two.
Yeah, a push-bike.
He's wearing a green coat and a hat.
Let him through, okay?
It's beautiful here.
You can't take this all on your own.
So, are you all good now?
Too many near-death experiences. You're beginning to think twice.
Do you wanna know the truth?
If it's a matter of life and death...
between people like you and me...
then I want to outlive you.
And I want to see what happens to you...
'cause I like you.
I can't.
What if we are still together in a year?
Would we be?
I see it happening.
I don't know.
So, you think you love me?
I know I love you.